Saturday, 31 July 2010
Fully Inclusive
I witnessed an amazing and amusing complaining rant at a travel agent this week, and thought I'd share it...
A person had been on an all inclusive holiday package to France, and came in to complain that:
1) The restaurant only served French cuisine - they had to put up with it for 2 weeks!
2) kids food - there was only pizza and chips
3) Snacks - only French cakes were available - there should have been a burger anytime the kids wanted it.
4) The hotel had a 'pink day' where everyone wore pink and they dyed the pool pink.
5) There was nothing to do - they just had to sit around.
6) They got a sun tan because there was nothing to do.
7) The hotel staff spoke French instead of English.
I have to admit I thought about asking her for the details - it sounds ideal for my family!!!
A person had been on an all inclusive holiday package to France, and came in to complain that:
1) The restaurant only served French cuisine - they had to put up with it for 2 weeks!
2) kids food - there was only pizza and chips
3) Snacks - only French cakes were available - there should have been a burger anytime the kids wanted it.
4) The hotel had a 'pink day' where everyone wore pink and they dyed the pool pink.
5) There was nothing to do - they just had to sit around.
6) They got a sun tan because there was nothing to do.
7) The hotel staff spoke French instead of English.
I have to admit I thought about asking her for the details - it sounds ideal for my family!!!
Friday, 30 July 2010
Complaining at my children
Today, some of my complaints were against my children or my wife.
I attended a training course recently where they said 80% of the language we hear must be positive if any learning or meaningful development is to take place.
So does that mean that if we can achieve 100% positive, then learning and change will be enhanced?
I am certainly certain in the belief that I will never change my children's behaviour by complaining at them. Never.
So what is the point? It doesn't make me feel better! Complaining at my family, however mild the complaint might be, is unhealthy, unhelpful, and achieves nothing.
It's good to see others in my family use more positive language towards me as I model it to them.
I attended a training course recently where they said 80% of the language we hear must be positive if any learning or meaningful development is to take place.
So does that mean that if we can achieve 100% positive, then learning and change will be enhanced?
I am certainly certain in the belief that I will never change my children's behaviour by complaining at them. Never.
So what is the point? It doesn't make me feel better! Complaining at my family, however mild the complaint might be, is unhealthy, unhelpful, and achieves nothing.
It's good to see others in my family use more positive language towards me as I model it to them.
Early morning complaining
(still no 2nd day complaint free, but I'm working on it)
I have noticed that I complain sometimes when I am woken up first thing in the morning. Complaining that the children are awake or whatever reason. How sad that my first subconscious thought is to complain.
I will start working on going to sleep in a relaxed state - perhaps that will help.
I have noticed that I complain sometimes when I am woken up first thing in the morning. Complaining that the children are awake or whatever reason. How sad that my first subconscious thought is to complain.
I will start working on going to sleep in a relaxed state - perhaps that will help.
Wednesday, 28 July 2010
Automatic
It's amazing how automatic out language can be. I was in my car today as another driver drove down the middle of the road slowly towards me, causing me to stop so that they could then drive around me (!)
Even though I remained calm and was not feeling cross, a complaint still sneaked out. "You need to move over, love."
As I say, I wasn't even feeling that cross. I even gave the lady a genuine smile as she went on her way. It was as if I was saying something that I didn't even agree with. I guess this is the conscious incompetence stage moving towards the conscious competence - at least I hope so....
(For those of you who aren't familiar with those terms, learning a new behaviour goes through the stages of unconscious incompetence, conscious incompetence, conscious competence, unconscious comepetence.)
Even though I remained calm and was not feeling cross, a complaint still sneaked out. "You need to move over, love."
As I say, I wasn't even feeling that cross. I even gave the lady a genuine smile as she went on her way. It was as if I was saying something that I didn't even agree with. I guess this is the conscious incompetence stage moving towards the conscious competence - at least I hope so....
(For those of you who aren't familiar with those terms, learning a new behaviour goes through the stages of unconscious incompetence, conscious incompetence, conscious competence, unconscious comepetence.)
Monday, 26 July 2010
Accepting what others say with gratitude.
I'm not sure how to explain this, but I'm sure my not complaining is making a difference to my relationships. Somebody I am close to seems to me to be criticising me a lot, but I am aware that they don't mean it to 'come out like that.' I have been trying for a long time now to accept the way they speak in a neutral way, as simply giving information rather than as criticism.
As I continue my complaint free journey I am finding that I am much more able to tell the difference between a comment given as a complaint / criticism and something which is just meant as information or advice. Also whatever I hear, I find it easier to accept it positively / with gratitude and without complaining or reacting negatively.
I think I am also seeing the huge amount that I actually do complain (all be it as a low level most of the time) and I think this changes my attitude towards others - perhaps I'm being a bit more humble?
This is making a huge difference. Apparently I am easier to live with!
As I continue my complaint free journey I am finding that I am much more able to tell the difference between a comment given as a complaint / criticism and something which is just meant as information or advice. Also whatever I hear, I find it easier to accept it positively / with gratitude and without complaining or reacting negatively.
I think I am also seeing the huge amount that I actually do complain (all be it as a low level most of the time) and I think this changes my attitude towards others - perhaps I'm being a bit more humble?
This is making a huge difference. Apparently I am easier to live with!
Sunday, 25 July 2010
Saturday, 24 July 2010
Quote of the day
"When you complain to somebody, you drag down the energy of the relationship."
- Will Bowen
- Will Bowen
Quote of the day
"Complaining keeps us focussed on our problems rather than on solutions."
Will Bowen
Post office
Something cool happened today. I was waiting in the queue for the post office thinking "I am sure this will be a fast moving queue. The people here all just want to post a quick parcel, and many of them will be in groups - so are in fact one customer."
I kept on thinking like this for a while, I was determined to enjoy the fairly long queue, not complain.
The next thing I knew the person in front of me stomped off in a huff grumbling "there must be a faster way to buy a stamp." She was right - she could have gone to the newsagent - but I decided not to point that out.
Thanks to her the queue was shorter for me! And of course, a few minutes later I had concluded my business. Excellent!
I still haven't had my second complaint free day but some great changes are happening - I'll blog more about those in another post.
I kept on thinking like this for a while, I was determined to enjoy the fairly long queue, not complain.
The next thing I knew the person in front of me stomped off in a huff grumbling "there must be a faster way to buy a stamp." She was right - she could have gone to the newsagent - but I decided not to point that out.
Thanks to her the queue was shorter for me! And of course, a few minutes later I had concluded my business. Excellent!
I still haven't had my second complaint free day but some great changes are happening - I'll blog more about those in another post.
Friday, 23 July 2010
Quote of the day
"Our thoughts create our lives, and our words indicate what we are thinking."
- Will Bowen
Getting sarcastic.
Yesterday I let slip a couple of sarcastic jokes that I decided did count as complaining. A complaint is an expression of grief, pain or discontent - and I used sarcasm to do it. It's sometimes tough identifying what is complaining and what isn't. The interesting thing is that my complaints are much much milder now after my 1st week.
Today I complained at a chap who was cycling on the pavement. Whoops - I used to do that.
Today I complained at a chap who was cycling on the pavement. Whoops - I used to do that.
Thursday, 22 July 2010
Quote of the day
“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”
- Maya Angelou
First day!
Yesterday was my first complaint free day. HOORAY!
I find I can identify when I am most likely to complain, and then pay great attention to my thought and words at these times. This includes spending time with certain people, or discussing certain topics. Lets see if I can build on it and make 2 days - I reckon I can.
I find I can identify when I am most likely to complain, and then pay great attention to my thought and words at these times. This includes spending time with certain people, or discussing certain topics. Lets see if I can build on it and make 2 days - I reckon I can.
Tuesday, 20 July 2010
3 Yorkshiremen
Hows about this for an example of competitive complaining? It's so easy to get drawn in to this kind of behaviour. It is so good to giggle at ourselves though. I hope that is what this blog will become - a place to laugh at myself and enjoy life - not a place to complain about my complaining!
Complaining about other's complaining
I found my self in a room full or people today complaining about another group of complainers?!!
I kept going well, until I eventually complained about those who were complaining about the complainers?!
Another day goes by. I am getting nearer to my first day with no complaints. I think it was just 4 or 5 today.
I kept going well, until I eventually complained about those who were complaining about the complainers?!
Another day goes by. I am getting nearer to my first day with no complaints. I think it was just 4 or 5 today.
Monday, 19 July 2010
What a waste
Complaints today included getting cross with my laptop, at the bad driving of some nameless stranger... and my class (I am a teacher.)
Now what did any of that achieve? ..... anything? ....nope! I can really say none of that actually helped me achieve anything whatsoever... (apart from making me feel more annoyed with myself!)
My daughter (7) did 4 swaps with her bracelet today - so she beat me!!
This is day 5 of my challenge - I can't wait for my first complaint free day.....
Now what did any of that achieve? ..... anything? ....nope! I can really say none of that actually helped me achieve anything whatsoever... (apart from making me feel more annoyed with myself!)
My daughter (7) did 4 swaps with her bracelet today - so she beat me!!
This is day 5 of my challenge - I can't wait for my first complaint free day.....
Doing up my shoelace
It's 8:11 am. I've not left for work yet. I just complained at my finger nail for being sharp!!! How pointless was that? What a waste of energy.
Sunday, 18 July 2010
"Thanks Darling!"
That was my sarcastic comment to my lovely wife which triggered a string of us both complaining at each others complaining! Today's 3 is now up to 7. Whoops.
Day 5, Scored 7 complaints with 0 consecutive days under my belt. I will persist!
Day 5, Scored 7 complaints with 0 consecutive days under my belt. I will persist!
In the toilets
I have done quite well today - just 3 complaints. Here is an example of a little one that popped out. It's an interesting example of The Law of Attraction at work.
I was taking my 4 year old daughter to the toilet in a huge shopping centre. All the toilets were in use and she was getting desparate. Within the gents there was a separate entrance to a child's toilet area. The door was locked so we waited.... and waited. The toilet area was labelled 'children's toilet.'
Eventually a door opened labelled 'only for children' in large capital letters. Out came a huge chap. I said to my little one "Let's go in the children's toilet. Look there's one here that says 'children's toilet' on the door." I said this sarcastically, and deliberately loud enough for the chap to hear. I guess it counted as a complaint.
Anyway - you may or may not know how the Law of Attraction works. You focus on what you don't get and you just attract more of the stuff you don't want. The bloke heard what I said, realised it was directed (however subtly) at him, and told me to F off.
There are positive ways I could have spoken to him, focussing on what I wanted from him. My guess is there's not much I could have said to him that would have resulted in a positive outcome - but I'd never have found out if I didn't try!
Next time I'd probably quietly ignore the chap, and remain in a nice calm state. Sometimes it's not worth confronting inconsiderate people. He probably had no idea what it's like to wait around with a child who is turning in to a wee-wee timebomb! I certainly didn't have much to gain from speaking to him.
I'll share how I'm doing more in the next day or so.
I was taking my 4 year old daughter to the toilet in a huge shopping centre. All the toilets were in use and she was getting desparate. Within the gents there was a separate entrance to a child's toilet area. The door was locked so we waited.... and waited. The toilet area was labelled 'children's toilet.'
Eventually a door opened labelled 'only for children' in large capital letters. Out came a huge chap. I said to my little one "Let's go in the children's toilet. Look there's one here that says 'children's toilet' on the door." I said this sarcastically, and deliberately loud enough for the chap to hear. I guess it counted as a complaint.
Anyway - you may or may not know how the Law of Attraction works. You focus on what you don't get and you just attract more of the stuff you don't want. The bloke heard what I said, realised it was directed (however subtly) at him, and told me to F off.
There are positive ways I could have spoken to him, focussing on what I wanted from him. My guess is there's not much I could have said to him that would have resulted in a positive outcome - but I'd never have found out if I didn't try!
Next time I'd probably quietly ignore the chap, and remain in a nice calm state. Sometimes it's not worth confronting inconsiderate people. He probably had no idea what it's like to wait around with a child who is turning in to a wee-wee timebomb! I certainly didn't have much to gain from speaking to him.
I'll share how I'm doing more in the next day or so.
A Complaint Free World
I have read 'A Complaint Free World' by Will Bowen and set out on my journey 5 days ago. It's amazing how I thought this would be so easy but I haven't managed a day yet. I thought I'd share my experiences online. I have some amazing stories already about 'The Law of Attraction' at work in my life.
The idea with this challenge is that you wear a purple bracelet and swap it from wrist to wrist every time you complain. You are trying to avoid expressing 'grief, pain or discontent.' It's a really interesting way to control your thought life and increase a general sense of calm and happiness.
http://www.acomplaintfreeworld.org
The idea with this challenge is that you wear a purple bracelet and swap it from wrist to wrist every time you complain. You are trying to avoid expressing 'grief, pain or discontent.' It's a really interesting way to control your thought life and increase a general sense of calm and happiness.
http://www.acomplaintfreeworld.org
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)